It didn’t sound as bad as everyone made it out to be.
It had been a crappy arrangement from the get go but I did want it to work.
I walked to the tall windows at the back of the bed, one of the few things the bastard bought, probably just to make sure he tasted me. I shook my head vigorously as memories assailed me of our first painful night together. At least for me.
I watched from the window as Debo drove away in her Red Murano. She worried too much and drove me a little insane quite frankly. She felt guilty, everyone did. My mother didn’t call me as much as she used to, my junior ones more or less never came over to visit no more and Debo stopped by to stare and make meaningless conversation.
I was divorced not dead for Pete’s sake!
I walked briskly from my large empty bedroom through the pale yawning corridor and into the sparsely fitted living room. I headed for the fridge to pull out a Fanta, my staple meal these days, and sat on the grey L shaped sofa set I had purchased 3 months ago while building my fantasy life.
The memories flooded unbidden as I became too weary to fight them. In a way I didn’t want to. I loved to go over the details, painstakingly. I knew I had done nothing wrong.
It was all on him. On Jonah.
His proposal…not flowery. To the point, promising care, asking for patience.
The plans…with Debo and my family for a bridal shower, garden wedding, the way I was going to arrange my home, raise my kids. Too far.
His calls that rained during courtship that more or less began to drip from the day after our wedding
My insistence on an announcement with a small wedding or even to friends and family.
His need to always leave me or never turn up citing the reason of having to go ‘home‘ An aching reminder that when it concerned me, I wasn’t ‘home‘.
Insisting, asking, almost pleading for everything… time, attention, money, to keep to his promises…
The living room was suddenly plunged in darkness. I smiled. NEPA. Yawning, I rose. I had lied to Debo that I was going to drive over to my parent’s and spend the night. No-one wanted me to stay alone.
Well, I was doing no such thing. I wanted to be alone.
Today, my life as a single woman began. Again… but with a difference.
No more Daddy’s girl.
No more trying to please the world by getting married or towing the line of tradition.
I really want kids…maybe I’ll adopt but for now my nieces and nephews will do.
They’re more important things in life than some man that let me go in 8 months without a fight but hung on my every word and chased me for about a year! For Pete’s sake what had he been looking for? A legal prostitute? He got one alright!
All the gifts Jonah had gotten me, lay in a heap on the plush orange carpet in the bedroom. I was going to burn them. I paused a little and then hysterical laughter began to rise.
Why? Everything he had gotten me alongside everything I had purchased to keep up this facade, the former paled in significance.
Abeggi! I donned a bright pink nightdress and lay on the 6 by 6 monstrosity. It was comfortable.
The tears came hard and fast. I didn’t stop them. It didn’t matter how many times I rationalised it… knew I was right… they came any way. The regrets, the pain, the betrayal, the shame…
My tears rocked me to sleep.
I will wake weary and tired again tomorrow but free.
I am not sure of picking up any pieces but I am sure no-one will be breaking me into them.
Unless my strength fails me…then there’s the alternative.
I felt insane peace at the thought.
And it always works…always.
Out of sight is out of mind, Jonah used to intone.
Something we definitely agreed on.